I feel like sharing some of this today...It's been a strange mix of emotions and I'm not sure exactly why...In order to calm myself some and find some sort of peace, I started to comb through and organize some old blogs for the book...Here's an entry in which I did a little bit of appreciating my writing abilities and reminiscing on my past...Yes, I was a depressing kid...Life wasn't easy...
October 20, 2005 Thursday 1:50am
Ideal Steel...an old poem revisited.... Current mood: morose
So, I've been really lonely and kinda down lately and something this morning in my inability to sleep; beckoned me to my old journal...I started writing at a very young age as a release of some of the feeling I had inside of me that I knew couldn't be any good for me...yeah, I've had emotional issues since a very young age for reasons those close to me already know...I pride myself on always being a smiling, happy and positive person despite all the bullshit that's really fucked up that happens in my life daily...the reason I'm able to do all of this is the talent God gave me to cope through writing...I am truly blessed in this sense...and no, I'm not tooting my own horn here, I'm really grateful I can write like there's no tomorrow and it's somewhat of a good talent...My writing skills really came to head in high school when I was a loner/awkward/painfully shy/extremely ugly/geek...underneath all of this teenage nightmare was a really fucking good writer...now, the shits always a bit disturbing and morbid, but well-versed nonetheless...I thought maybe as a way to revisit these feelings and teachings through writing, I'd share the thoughts of a teenage mind on a regular basis through blog...I had a journal that I kept all through high school and wrote in religiously...here's a poem I wrote when I was 15....as a side note, "Ideal Steel" was the company my brother was working for at the time and we were passing it on the freeway...
So, I've been really lonely and kinda down lately and something this morning in my inability to sleep; beckoned me to my old journal...I started writing at a very young age as a release of some of the feeling I had inside of me that I knew couldn't be any good for me...yeah, I've had emotional issues since a very young age for reasons those close to me already know...I pride myself on always being a smiling, happy and positive person despite all the bullshit that's really fucked up that happens in my life daily...the reason I'm able to do all of this is the talent God gave me to cope through writing...I am truly blessed in this sense...and no, I'm not tooting my own horn here, I'm really grateful I can write like there's no tomorrow and it's somewhat of a good talent...My writing skills really came to head in high school when I was a loner/awkward/painfully shy/extremely ugly/geek...underneath all of this teenage nightmare was a really fucking good writer...now, the shits always a bit disturbing and morbid, but well-versed nonetheless...I thought maybe as a way to revisit these feelings and teachings through writing, I'd share the thoughts of a teenage mind on a regular basis through blog...I had a journal that I kept all through high school and wrote in religiously...here's a poem I wrote when I was 15....as a side note, "Ideal Steel" was the company my brother was working for at the time and we were passing it on the freeway...
Crude oil drips
Through my vainless veins
Black as love
Hardened my heart
Like Pharaohs'
The slave of slavery
Oppression of the perfect drug
End the pleasant pain
To be a cover girl
Pornographic memories
Embedded in the plate
Rubber bullet to the head
45 caliber thoughts
Semi-automatic feelings
Oil
Thick as sin
Trickle and flow
Think nothing of nothing
Peer inside
The window to eternity
Gears shift
Sparkle and fade
Rust Away
Rustoleum in hand
Things fall apart
Not lost in oblivion
Lost in exhibition
Salt from the ocean
Salt from your lips
Determined to destroy me
Written in the end
Obituary of the bitch
A soliloquy
By Shakespeare
Would've loved Van Gogh
Severed ears
For slippery love
Killed the android
Killed the android
Alien of the species
Foreign objects
Lodged in forever
Could've ended silently
If I were the ideal steel...
*BONUS POEM...My First Alliterative Piece
Many men migrate meticulously minute medians
Mixing malevolence more maliciously
My misalignment mortifies me
Maybe my mischievous moniker misnomers me
Mirrors may minister many misunderstood minorities
Mixed mistakenly massive myriads, mostly mirages
Morose mirages mainly metamorphasized my misfortunes
Motels-Mitigations-Masturbation-Motivation
Men move many millenniums more monetarily
Misogynistic, malignant men, moving mountains
.FIN
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